Hello everyone!

Our beloved bald headed tyrant has been naughty and revealed all kind of nasty stuff about the pool league We really should have some kind of rules for this kind of behaviour. I am open to all suggestions on what to do with the guy

Atleast for me the read was enjoyable, but go ahead and check it our yourself.

++Will

I would like to thank all of you for the many comments received regarding my recent interview in The Post. For those of you who may have missed it, attached is a copy of the interview.

The Interview

The Post: Thanks for meeting with us tonight. I must say your choice of venue is interesting. This is the first interview I have ever done at Soi Cowboy.

Mark: You’re welcome. You did say something about the drinks being on you…right?

The Post: No problem. So what gave you the idea to start the Bangkok Pool League?

Mark: I didn’t start it. I simply took over the operation of it after my predecessor did a runner. He didn’t start it either, though. I tried to talk with the guy who originally came up with the idea, but they are still keeping him under heavy medication. The guy who took over from him is now in a de-tox center somewhere upcountry, but he’s not allowed visitors yet. Not really sure, but I think there have been many before me.

The Post: Okay. So what prompted you to take it over?

Mark: The bar I had been playing for noticed a precipitous drop in beer consumption when the league ended. They offered me several free pitchers of beer if I would get it up and running again. As I had been doing pretty much nothing for the last 5 years, I thought it would be “Amusing.” A friend advised me that one would have to be out of his mind to run a pool league in Bangkok. That actually appealed to me.

The Post: What qualities do you have that made you a good candidate for running a pool league?

Mark: Yer shittin me…right?

The Post: No. I’m quite serious.

Mark: Can I have another drink?

The Post: Sure.

Mark: Okay. There are really no qualifications required that I can see. Pretty much any moron could do it. I had a vague idea about what the game was about, and figured I could look up anything I needed to know on the internet. What it takes mostly is a low sense of self esteem, few expectations, and a passing interest in masochism.

The Post: So has it been amusing?

Mark: Absolutely not…Unless you consider being yelled at and cursed out in all sorts of strange languages, and receiving daily hate mail “Amusing.” Most of them I can’t understand, though, so it’s easy to let those slide. The only really tough part is the amount of time it keeps me away from Cowboy.

The Post: Would you call it stressful?

Mark: Can I have another drink now?

The Post: Of course

Mark: Yeah it’s stressful. Take a really good look at me. I used to be an Adonis. I was so good looking when I first came to Bangkok, women I didn’t even know would stop me as I walked along Sukhumvit and shout out “Hello handsome man.” Now they call me “Papa.” And I’m only 35. Running a pool league here really takes its toll. I miss my beautiful hair.

The Post: What would you say is the most stressful part?

Mark: That’s a tough one. I think I may need another drink?

The Post: Certainly.

Mark: I guess I’d have to say it’s with the scoresheets. I have to collect them, read them, record them, and put them into some kind of order.

The Post: Why would that be stressful?

Mark: Some of the people who play in our league get to play twice. That requires remembering their names throughout an entire evening. That’s not as easy as it sounds on pool nights. They’re usually pretty good with it in the first half, but start losing the plot by the end of the match. But the bigger problem is with collecting the forms. About half the bars in the league have a problem with this. My favorite excuses so far are “A soi dog ate it” and “The damned bar was out of toilet paper.” Come to think of it, I think that 2^nd one was from the bar I play for. I also get a ton of calls every pool night. People forget what teams they are playing for, need to be reminded of the rules, and forget whether they are playing 8-Ball or 9-Ball. Sometimes it happens in the middle of matches.

I had a game last season in which either 11 or 14 people competed. I’m still not sure. The scoresheet is still missing, and none of the 11 or 14 people who played were able to remember anything about the match the following day. I decided to just make up a result without anyone knowing. I’m guessing it will appear one day and I will get yelled at again.

The Post: Do you get any help running the league?

Mark: No I don’t. None at all. I have to do everything myself.

The Post: But what about all of those references on your website to a “League Governing Committee?”

Mark: That’s actually just a play on words. There really is a group of guys that call themselves the “League Governing Committee,” but that may not be an entirely accurate term.

The Post: I’m confused. Could you please elaborate on that?

Mark: This might be a good time for another drink.

The Post: No problem.

Mark: Thank you. Okay. Soon after I began running the league, I realized that I needed a good diversion. I was taking too much heat for the mistakes I was making. I needed to find others to blame when things went wrong. The idea proved to be one of the best I’ve ever had. I gathered an international group of beer lovers who I knew would do just about anything for a free beer. We meet periodically, and I get them all drunk. After the meeting I get to do what I want without having to worry about responsibility. They’ve been a great help.

The Post: What about your Sponsor? Surely they must contribute something.

Mark: Our sponsor is The Ball In Hand. They are truly great sponsors, and both of them are great guys.

The Post: So they do contribute?

Mark: (Brief laughter) No way! But they do leave me alone, and don’t make any demands. Keith and Henning are obviously very busy businessmen. They have so much on their minds that they often forget that there IS a pool league. They are apparently mired in very important business meetings long, long into the night…pretty much every night. I’m under instructions not to call either of them before 4:00 PM for fear of interrupting their concentration. If I try to reach them after 6:00 PM, they’re usually already shitfaced, probably from celebrating yet another successful business deal. A guy couldn’t ask for a better sponsor, though. As long as I can get about 200 people to show up for the singles tournaments, they keep off my case. They always buy me drinks when I see them, though. That reminds me…Can I have another drink?

The Post: Okay. I like your website. Did you design it?

Mark: No. Actually, I’m pretty much computer illiterate. I ran into a couple of drunken Finns one night. They offered to build the site for me for free.

The Post: For free?

Mark: Yes. I did say they were drunk, didn’t I. They did a great job, though.

The Post: So at least you have support on that front them?

Mark: Pretty much, but I now have some cause for concern. They’ve both moved back to Finland. They brought back 2 Thai girls and 60 cases of Beer Chang. They put the Thai girls to work picking berries in the woods. Now they are dividing their time between Webmasters and Berrymasters. Last I heard, the elders of their town had organized a search party to look for the search party that they organized to find the 2 Thai girls. The snows could be coming soon, and I worry that I will have to find some other fools to operate my site for free. I sure as hell can’t do it, and finding fools with talent is not as easy as it sounds.

The Post: Are you a good pool player.

Mark: I play, but I’m not very good. I began playing only when I noticed the number of really pretty girls that play pool here. If I don’t poke anyone’s eye out with my pool cue on any given night, I figure I did well. But I have met some of the pretty girls.

The Post: But I’ve seen the stats on your site. You do occasionally win.

Mark: That’s actually a bit of poetic license. Don’t forget that I am the one who enters all the results on the site. I can always throw a few wins my way against certain people who I know would never be able to remember. I try to keep my record around 50-50, though. I make sure not to win against the pretty girls. Some of them can get pretty uncooperative when they lose, which sort of defeats the few benefits of running a pool league in Bangkok.

The Post: What did you do before you moved to Bangkok?

Mark: I was in sales and marketing. At least I think so. It’s getting hard to remember.

The Post: Have your skills in those areas been helpful in running the Pool League?

Mark: They are of absolutely no use here. Marketing, of course, requires a good understanding of the market. The people who play in the Bangkok Pool League cannot really be understood without the aid of experienced substance-abuse counselors, a panel of psychiatrists, and the full cooperation of Interpol. I truly doubt even they would be able to make much headway. I have been able to do some limited market research, though.

The Post: What have you found out?

Mark: Surprisingly, none of the expats that play in the league actually came to Bangkok because of the pool. More than 95% of them are here exclusively for the temples and the culture and the food.

The Post: And what brought you here?

Mark: The temples and the culture and the food.